I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
