y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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