my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
