Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
