Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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