break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
