Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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