dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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