jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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