I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
