My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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