I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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