Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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