just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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