Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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