I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My life is pants optional.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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