My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
