I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just forgot I was standing up.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
