I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
