The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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