Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
