We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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