wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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