Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
