I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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