I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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