be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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