Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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