just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
