Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
