I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
