"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize