Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
