she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
