So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
