You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
