Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
