I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
