I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
