i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
