dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
