Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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