just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to calm my uterus...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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