My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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