I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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