Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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