My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
