He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
