This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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