i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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