i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
