Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
