well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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