His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
