I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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