You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
