There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
