If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
In America we eat man semen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
