you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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