Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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