i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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