I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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