I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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