Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
