Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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