So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
