Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
