there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
