i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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