All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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