I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
