You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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