I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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