bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
