Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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