i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
