i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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